See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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