Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
