i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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