It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
