If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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