he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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