i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
