I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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