I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
