i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
