yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
