So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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