dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
