do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i drank out of a bidet.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
