After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can I color on your dick again?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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