We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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