I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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