I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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