Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
