If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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