Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
