I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
