Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize