she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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