I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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