idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
