i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
