We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
