I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
