My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
