More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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