Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
