A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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