walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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