Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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