The maid of honor just puked.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
