Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i don't like sucking hair
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
