she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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