Soap is not a condiment
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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