yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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