don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
even my farts smell like vagina
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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