are you still at the devil's house?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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