Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my being single is dangerous.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
