Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
