just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
