fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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