She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
