I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I faked an abortion last night.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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