I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
