chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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