Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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