You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
