the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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