I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
