You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
whose parrot is this?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
