apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
