who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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