I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
