He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
