We won't sleep together?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
