dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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