Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
