He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I want to fling myself into the sun
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
