I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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