just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
