i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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