So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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