its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize