theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
