And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
