You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
