Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm passing your future prison.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
