why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dick very happy bro
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
