my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize