I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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