I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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