he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
