At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
