it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
