Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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