I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize