to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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