I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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