He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
