really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
