I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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