i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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