i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize