i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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