Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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