i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
