I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
