i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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