How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
