i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
