My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
