we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
