Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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