I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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