A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
