I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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