Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
